Death Sucks

On Wednesday morning, my uncle who has been sick with cancer passed away. He was only 27 years old, so that's scary in itself, but this weekend was filled with all the rituals that follow someone's passing. I haven't ever lost someone who has been really close to me, so I'm sure that if that happened I would be an emotional mess, but excluding that, I usually don't get too emotional at funerals. I really didn't think that I would with this one, because in all honesty, it was the best thing that could have happened. He was in a tremendous amount of pain the past couple months, so he's better off now. I wasn't too emotional until I saw my mom and my grandma crying...then it started to get to me. I mean they were a wreck, so it made me emotional to see them like that. Friday night, after the calling hours, I came home and was watching this show about troops that just returned home. They were granting 3 wishes to a couple of the families, and provided them with new homes...it was actually a really cool concept. I think it was everything that has been going on, but I just lost it...I was a crying fool. I'm glad no one was home! It felt good to let some emotion out. I probably haven't cried in 2 or 3 years, but I think it's necessary every once in awhile...needless to say I'm glad all that stuff is over with.

Last night we played some poker at the VFW. We were playing a one table tournament...and I was probably chip leader with about 6 people left. The hand that busted me was some BS. I looked down to see two Kings looking back at me on the button. It was folded to me and I raised all in, hoping my overbet would look like a steal and I would get a call. Well the small blind called with A 10, and someone else had said they folded and Ace. The flop was nothing, but sure enough, one of the 2 remaining Aces spiked the turn and that was all she wrote for me. It really sucks when you can't fade a draw with 2 outs! After that we went to some guy's house I didn't know and played a cash game until like 4 in the morning. I bought in with $40, and cashed out with $39...so I lost $1. They were some crazy mofo's there...actually they were really, really bad. But I couldn't pick up a hand to get myself into a pot with some of those guys to take their cash. So, I played super tight and waited, and waited...and waited. Finally I picked up Aces, and got into a big pot...but I picked it up on the flop. So I guess $1 loss is ok in that game...I easily could have lost all $40.

One of my friends on Myspace posted the following, and after reading it, I feel much better about myself. It's been awhile since I've dated anyone, but when I am in a relationship, I think I do most of these things. So, I've decided to stop worrying about if I'll find someone or not...I'm a good guy, and if a girl doesn't realize that, then it's their loss. I mean I don't cheat, lie, or treat them bad...in fact the opposite is true. I feel that I'm a VERY loyal person...in fact I pride myself on that. And when I'm with someone I treat that like an absolute princess. So, whoever the lucky girl is that decides to take a chance on me will be reap the benefits.

1.Get kissed in the rain
2. Have that one hott kiss where your pressed against the wall
3. Have a guy that thinks you're the world
4. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs
5. A boy that whispers he loves you in your ear
6. Have that moment where you just gaze into eachother's eyes
7. When you cry, he kisses your tears away.
8. When you're not with your guy he's all that you can think about
9. Wearing his jacket and everytime you breath in, his scent surrounds you
10. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get.
11. A guy who squeezes your hand
12. A boy that says he loves you and means it
13. A guy that will play her favorite song outside her window
14. A guy who is loyal
15. A guy that will sing to you no matter how bad he is at it.
16. A guy that will kiss you on the forehead.
17. A guy that will call you beautiful or adorable...not hot, fine, or sexy
18. A guy that will never judge you for how you look.
19. A boy that says cheezy stuff to you just to make u smile
20. A boy that is the same when he is with you and when with friends
21. A boy that tells you everything honestly
22. A boy that is good with your family and introduces you to his family
23. A guy that will always let you win
24. A guy who stands up for you no matter who it is against
25. A guy who calls you at night just to say 'hi' and see how your day has been
26. A boy who tells you that your smile makes his day and makes everything better
27. A boy who will sit on the phone with you when you're sad, even if you're quiet
28. A boy who you can hangout and have fun with
29. A boy that will just randonmly call you for no reason at all, just because he missed you
30. A guy who will hold your hand through the roughest parts of life.
31. A guy who would love you forever no matter the circumstance.
32. A guy who wouldn't mind you wanting to get all dressed up and do your make up for him. Even if he says he likes you better without make up.
33. A guy who you can be yourself with and he will never give a care and would still tell you that you are amazing to him.
34. A guy who runs his fingers through your hair, like he's washing your worries/troubles away.
35. A guy who tells you you make his day better, just for being you


That's pretty much all I've got for today, so live every day to it's fullest!!

R.I.P. Scott Adam Wyatt
1/29/1978-10/26/2005

" It is faith in one's self, when all else is stripped from us, that defines who we are and what we are truly capable of."

What's This All About?

I’m not sure if I’ve ever posted 2 days in a row, but I’ve got nothing better to do, so I figured “why not”?

Today is Tuesday and this week is going to be very long, I can tell already. The weather is really cold and rainy, so that makes the days even longer and more depressing. I plan on playing some poker tonight…I have to get back in the grove of things. I used to want to play all the time, and I would play for hours at a time. Now though, getting up at 6:15 for work and not getting home until 5 or so makes for a long day, so it’s hard to get enough energy to play after that long of a day. I need to stop making excuses and play…I’m never going to get to where I want to be if I don’t play.

I need to stop complaining anyways. My uncle is probably going to die any day from cancer and he’s only 28. So I should stop taking each day for granted. I get to live my life, and he’s lying in bed waiting to die…so I guess things are never as bad as they seem. I need to come up with a plan though that will get me where I want to be…but first I have to figure out where that is!

My friend Eric has been back from Louisiana for about a week now…I’m pretty excited about that. Besides Cheryl, we’re pretty much the only two single people in our group of friends, so we end up hanging out a lot. We’re both really into poker too, so we talk about that a lot. It sucked when he was gone because I didn’t have anything else to do besides hanging out with myself. It’s nice too, because I can talk about poker hands with him and get his input, which helps me become a better player.

I think that’s all for now, who knows when you’ll hear from me…(Not that it matters because I think this whole blog has only been read by about 3 people ever, so I could not post for a year and no one would notice) but I’ll probably post again sometime next week.

As Mike Sexton always says, “May all your cards be live, and your pots be monsters!”

"Remember that life's most treasured moments often come unannounced."

MGM It Is!!

After much debate, we decided we are staying at the MGM Grand in Vegas. We leave on December 18th and get back on Christmas Eve at 10:30 a.m. It is going to be myself, Pounds, Cheryl, Astrid (our foreign exchange student from High School) and Cheryl's friend Katie. I'm going to play so much poker I probably won't be able to see straight.

I've played quite a bit of poker in the past week. On Wednesday night, we played for 2 hours and I lost $40. I can honestly say I haven't played that bad in a long time. We played again Friday night for about 6 hours and I won $35. Then on Saturday night we played a 7 card stud tournament. I got heads up with Pounds with a huge chip lead...but I then proceeded to absolutely blow it and came in second...I won $25. Pounds is a good player, but although we're pretty close friends, he's my arch nemesis in poker. I have a horrible time against him, and it's very hard to beat him...but I like playing against him because it makes me better.

My friend P.J. is home from Iraq, so we're probably gonna chill with him this weekend. It should be a good time...it always is with him.

Well, I've got nothing else right now...I'll make sure to post if I come up with something!

" It is faith in one's self, when all else is stripped from us, that defines who we are and what we are truly capable of."

Where Am I Going?

This week I've been pretty depressed. I'm not sure why, but I know the gloomy weather around here has something to do with it. I'm also in a spot in my life where I need to figure out where my life is going, and where I want it to go. I want to be successful with my life, but I seem lost. All my friends seem to have directions...Beth is in the army and is going to Iraq, Randi is almost done with school to be an occupational therapist, Cheryl and Keith are going to be teachers. And I have a crappy job at an insurance company...I gotta do something.

I got this e-mail from a friend at work, and it pretty much describes what I'm feeling exactly:


Being Twenty-Something, they call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One-night-stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion... "I bend but I do not break."

Well, hopefully I'll start to feel better soon, and figure some things out. If you have any ideas, e-mail me at shawnjustice@gmail.com. I'm taking all ideas! Peace out.

" Keep your spirits up, don't allow yourself to be depressed, and never for one moment doubt that matters will finish better and more quickly than you imagine."

What A Weekend!

Wow...I haven't had this much fun in a weekend in awhile. On Friday night, one of my friends from high school was in town. Beth is going to Iraq in November, so we all got together to hang out with her and have a good time. A foreign exchange student that was at our school from Germany was also in town, and her name is Astrid. We went to eat dinner, and then made our way to a few bars in the big town of Marion...I had a blast. It was great to see Beth again! Her and Randi, another friend of mine, I don't get to see too much, so it's always a pleasure when we get to hang out. The funny thing is though, I could go months or years without seeing them, but we pick up right where we left off when we do see each other. No awkwardness or anything...guess that means that they're real friends.

Saturday we went to Columbus to watch the Buckeyes game at another friends...this night was OOC...out of control. There were about 20 of us there, and we're all pretty good friends, so it was a great time. The Buckeyes didn't exactly cooperate though, and they lost 17-10. I drove about 4 other people down there, but I was passed out after the game! When I woke up, everyone was gone except Beth and I, and it was like 2 a.m. We pretty much chilled and talked, and I think we ended up falling asleep at like 3:30.

Hanging out with all my friends this weekend made me realize that I'm so lucky to have the friends and the family that I do...I wouldn't trade them for the world. I felt some weird connection with Beth this weekend, and I really wish she wasn't going to Iraq. Not necessarily a romantic connection, but like a strong friendship...it was strange and I don't know how to describe it. I'm kinda worried about her going over to Iraq, but she's excited about it. I'm sure she knows what she's doing, so Good Luck Beth! I hope we stay in touch!

Well that's all for now, hopefully I'll get some pictures from the other night and I'll post them on my next entry.

Justice...out!

" My will shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me, or I can be lost in a maze. My choice, my responsibility, win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny."

I'm Starting to Get Some Confidence

Well, last Saturday I played in a tournament with 15 other people at a friend's house. It was a $50 buy in and we started with 10,000 in chips and blinds of 25-50. My strategy going in was to play small pots, and try not to get involved in any big pots. I really felt that I was the best player, and it would be stupid for me to play big pots with players that I could outplay for small pots. The strategy worked out pretty well and I had about 12,000 when the antes kicked in in the 4th level.

I lost a couple of pots, and when we got down to 1 table I only had about 7,000. I had to move in a few times, but never got called, so I was sitting with about 11,000 or so until we got down to 5. Only 4 people got paid, so we were at 5 for quite awhile because nobody wanted to go out on the bubble.

Once we got down to 4, I really opened up my game and started to steal a bunch of pots. We all agreed prior to the tournament starting that everyone would have a $5 bounty on their head. So if you knocked someone out, they had to pay you $5. Well, I hadn't knocked anyone out when there was 4 people left, but I was able to knock out the remaining 3 players and win the tournament. First paid $375, plus the $15 extra for bounties, so it was a profit of $340...not too bad for a days work.

I've been doing pretty decent in online tournaments as well. I finished 21st out of 535 people in a tournament last weekend, and 6th out of 67 in a tourney this week. Neither was a huge payout, but I'm learning to play deep into tournaments and the big score is right around the corner, I can feel it.

Tomorrow or Tuesday I'll post about my weekend. Besides the Buckeyes losing, I had a blast with some old friends I havent seen in a while...Stories to come!

" There never was a winner that didn't expect to win in advance."