Where to Start?

Hope everyone (well the maybe 2 people that actually read this) had a good weekend. I had a pretty decent one. Had fun Friday, had a pretty good time yesterday, and I had a good time today visiting with my parents. I went home to see them today, and it was really good to see them. I'm really close with my parents, and it's been 2 weeks since I've seen them. I have a wonderful family, and I don't know what I would do without them. If anything ever happened to any of them, I would be mentally unstable, and that's no joke. I don't know what I would do with myself.

I also have two brothers and a sister, and to be honest, I'm not as close with them as I would like to be. My two brothers are actually half brothers. We have the same dad but different mothers. I love all of them very much, and I hope that we can gain a closer relationship in the future. I'm sure you'll see me mention my family alot in these entries.

I have so much to write I don't know where to start. This journal thing is really helpful to me, because it lets me get things off of my chest and put my thoughts into words. I look forward to posting in this, and throughout the day I'm always trying to figure out what I'm going to write about.

One thing I realized while playing poker this weekend is that I have a severe lack of self-discipline. I noticed it while playing poker, and this is a vital skill in poker. But, my lack of self-discipline is not confined to the poker table. I'm really pretty lazy and I definetly don't excercise enough. I recently slowed way down on carbonated drinks like pop, but I still need to eat healthier. I'm trying to make myself a better person, and I'm going to work very hard to become more self-disciplined, because I think it could make me a better person in many different ways.

This weekend, mainly today, I realized a few things about poker. The first thing I realized is that when I play my best poker, I can play with pretty much anyone around, except for maybe the pros. I really think that I'm a very good player when I'm playing my best...but that's the problem. My lack of self-discipline doesn't allow me to be at my best all the time. When I'm not my best, I'm an average player at best, and this is when I lose the profit that I've gained when playing at my best. I'm going to make a conscious effort to get myself in the right frame of mind everytime I play, and not play if I don't feel like I can play my best.

Another thing that became painfully obvious is that you have to be mentally unstable to play poker. Poker is a game of skill, with some luck involved. This makes it a very hard game to play, because you could play perfectly, make the right move every single time, and still lose. You can have the best hand to start, and end up in last. Sometimes there will only be 1 or 2 cards in the deck that can save your opponent, and when one of those cards come, it feels like someone just punched you in the stomach. You have to have a very resilent personality to play poker, and almost have to like to take abuse. You can catch bad cards for a month or two at a time, but you have to have confidence in yourself that you will still be able to win. Poker is a game where the obstacle is to make the right decisions, not to win or lose. If you constantly make the right decisions, you'll be a winner in the long run. But it really stings when you make the right decision, and end up a loser in the short run. Like I said, you have to be mentall ill to play poker.

Well, I think I'm going to treat tomorrow as a new beginning...I'm going to change. I'm gonna work on my self-discipline, work on my self-confidence, and try to look at the positive in every situtation. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life...or at least that's how I'm gonna look at it.

Until tomorrow...let this week be the best week of your life, and God Bless.

" The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be. But for all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap!"